


You're what I want

by rcmsw



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Angst, Breaking Up & Making Up, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff, He's Just Not That Into You AU, Movie AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-22
Updated: 2018-03-22
Packaged: 2019-04-06 08:05:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14052579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rcmsw/pseuds/rcmsw
Summary: A He's Just Not That Into You AU (Ben Affleck/Jennifer Aniston storyline) for the rebelcaptain network rom com challenge.Jyn is 8 years old when her father leaves her. The sight of him walking away will always haunt her. She sees it every time someone new walks into her life, imagines what they would look like leaving her. Except when she meets Cassian Andor. Hesitant at first, she soon lets him into her life, and her heart. Cassian’s by her side for seven years, sharing laughter, love and lots of tea. He feels the need for nothing more, against the idea of marriage on principle. When her brother Bodhi announces his pending nuptials, Jyn’s old insecurities surface. Afraid of being left behind again, this time Jyn is the one to walk away.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A month late on posting this, but I finally got to it! Enjoy, and as always, come visit me on tumblr as rebsrising.

Wind rustles through the trees on the street several stories below her, cascading soft pink blossoms into the air. Jyn smiles not at the flowers on the breeze, but the words floating through the phone held to her ear. Bodhi’s speech is somehow faster from excitement, his words flowing together in a mess of happiness. Jyn can practically hear the smile that wraps around each syllable. The news brings real joy to her, a lightness that wars against a self-centered, gnawing feeling in her gut.

“I just got off the phone with Bodhi,” she tells Cassian sometime later, as soon as he’s through the door. “Looks like that brother of mine is getting married.”  
He crosses the living room to where she sits on the couch with her feet tucked under her. Squeezing her shoulder, he places a kiss to her forehead before he heads toward the kitchen.  
“That’s great,” he calls back to her, amid the sound of cabinets opening and closing.  
“Is it?” she asks, not turning to look at him.  
“Yeah, Luke is a great guy.”  
She bites back a laugh, settling for an almost silent scoff.  
“So you think it’s great that they’re getting married, but you don’t ever feel like we’re going against nature, or something, by not?”  
She keeps her back to him, and he’s grateful for the reprieve, though he wishes he could see her face.  
“No. Marriage wasn’t created by nature, it was created by man. We are just two people who love each other very much, who happen to not be married.”  
“Right,” Jyn draws the word out and he doesn’t have to see her face to know she’s not convinced.  
He crosses the room to sit beside her, and she feels the couch cushions shift under his weight.  
“I love you Jyn,” his eyes are too intense, his voice too sincere for her to doubt it, despite their debate. “We’ve never needed big displays or announcements to communicate how we feel about each other. It’s between us. I see it when you look at me, I hear it in your voice, I feel it in the way we move around each other. How could we need more than that?”  
She meets his eyes, and sees the truth and warmth there.  
“Yeah you’re right,” she murmurs, because he is.  
“Let me get you some more tea,” he nods, his head tilted slightly to smile up at her.

She sips the tea, made just how she likes it, slowly, trying to let the warmth soothe the worry that had settled in her stomach. Cassian is right of course, they don’t need grand acts or a ceremony. From the moment they’d first come together, seven years ago, they have had other ways to express how they feel.

They hadn’t exactly gotten along when they first met. She was stubborn, he was determined and they were both reserved. It definitely hadn’t been love at first sight - Jyn didn’t even believe in that. They were never truly at odds though, and it didn’t take long before their necessary partnership warmed into something different. Something that added laugh lines to the other wrinkles on his brow, something that lit her face with an eager, uninhibited spark. They came together like two people who were always meant to find each other.

He didn’t break down her walls, as the cliche went. Instead he gave her a reason to open them herself. People often called her reckless. She supposed from the outside some of her actions would prompt such a description - detentions for talking back to teachers, fist fights with bullies. But Jyn was anything but. Her actions were calculated, the risks she took weighed. She acted boldly when she felt the moment called for it. Otherwise she was cautious. She’d lost enough already.

Falling for Cassian was the first time she allowed herself to be truly reckless, and in the end it wasn’t much of a risk at all. He’s always been there for her, and she believes he always will be.  
But a stray thought nags at the comfort of that statement - she’d held the same belief with others before.

Jyn was eight years old when her father left. The sight of him walking away will always haunt her - the careful steps, slow and measured, the way his body stayed facing straight ahead, like he wasn’t even tempted to look back. She sees it every time someone new walks into her life, imagines what they would look like leaving her.

After her father left, and her mother was finally convinced he wasn’t coming back, Lyra, Jyn and Bodhi moved to the states, to be near her mother’s closest friend Saw. He was gruff and hyper-focused on his work, his cause as he called it, but he took them in as his own family, with his own shows of affection. He was nothing like her father, though she thought he might love her like he was. Soon Jyn was trying to force Saw into the Galen-shaped hole left in her life. Despite her best efforts, it didn’t work. He never quite fit, and once he was gone she was left with a fresh hole all his own, gaping alongside the first one.

She’s not sure what a Cassian-shaped hole would do to her. But the feel of his lips at her temple melts that fear away. He settles back in beside her, an arm wrapped around her, and they fit together the way they always have, in a way that tells her they always will.

\----

Lights twinkle from strings across the ceiling as the soft voice of someone no one has ever heard of carries through the air of the small cafe. Every last bit of the perfect serene surrounding is at war with the chaos blasting inside of Jyn as she walks through the door, late.

“He’s not here yet?” Jyn asks Bodhi when she finds him at a corner table. His hands are clasped tightly together, but his leg is bouncing the way it always does when he’s agitated.

“No,” Bodhi responds. Of course not, Jyn thinks, but knows better than to say. This is as hard for Bodhi as it is for her, and she’s not about to make it any worse for him.

The call had come out of the blue, as they always did, just a few days after Bodhi got engaged. Though always implied some sort of regularity, or at least frequency. In the twenty years since their father had left them, Jyn could count on her hands how many times he had called. She needed even less fingers to track the number of times she’d seen him.

“What kept you?” Bodhi asks her, though he knows the answer. Jyn’s chronically late, but the 10-minute, got stuck in traffic late, not 20-minute, forgot all about it late.

“I didn’t know if I wanted to come,” she says, and it’s the truth. She had sat paralyzed at her desk, every emotion she’d had about her father over the last 20-some years coursing through her.

_My father betrayed us. My father is a good man. My father is a coward. My father is a bastard. Galen Erso is not my father. Galen Erso didn’t raise me…_

She grips the edge of the table tightly, saving her palms from the wrath of her own fingernails, and takes a deep breath.

Whatever her father was, he was alive, he was coming here and she would see him.

Bodhi gives her an understanding smile, eyes free from any glimmer of judgement. She knows he likely had the same hesitation, though she feels it’s safe to assume his thoughts are at least a little more forgiving.

“We’re here now,” he finally says, “Whatever happens, happens.”

His words are calm, but his leg is still bouncing. Jyn can feel his nerves radiating off him, mixing together with hers in the space between them. They’re setting themselves up to be rejected again, they both know it.

“Do you think he’ll bail?” Bodhi asks after a couple more minutes pass, looking down at his watch.

“I really don’t know,” Jyn says, and she doesn’t. That’s the problem. He had left them long ago, but he still cared enough to show up sometimes, just not all the time. His presence in their life was sporadic at best, but it was still a presence. It wasn’t the type of abandonment they could count on.

And then he’s there, walking through the door of the cafe like he’d never walked out of their lives. He doesn’t look much older, but he’d always looked older than he was. His steps are even, his body relaxed. He should be more nervous, Jyn thinks. They shouldn’t be the ones sweating over this.

She’s angry at him because that’s easier than accepting any other feelings. Her father left her, so she’s mad at him. That’s how it works. You don’t miss people who walk out on you. You don’t worry about the parent that abandoned you. You’re not overjoyed to see the person who left you behind.

She’s not.

“There they are,” their father smiles at them, and he though his words are light he does look a bit uncomfortable.

The conversation is awkward at first - kids shouldn’t have to catch their father up on so much. But soon Bodhi and Galen slip into an almost easy exchange. Jyn can’t quite join in the way they are, finding herself having to hold her tongue more often than she opens her mouth.

She softens just a bit when Bodhi tells their father about Luke, and their upcoming wedding. Galen smiles at the news, his face brightening at hearing the words in a way that almost mimics Bodhi’s own happiness in telling it. He asks Bodhi all about his future husband, and listens intently with the same concentration he normally reserved for his work.

In the distance, Jyn hears the faint toll of a church bell, and her father’s countenance changes. He looks down at his watch, mind quickly leaving the topic at hand and the people in front of him.

“Ah, I have to go,” he tells them, with only a hint of regret.

“Oh, ok,” Bodhi smiles, tight-lipped.

“You just got here,” Jyn says, unable to keep the words from her mouth.

“I know, but I have an appointment for work,” he tells her. Of course, Jyn thinks, that’s why he’s in the country in the first place.

“Dad?” Bodhi asks as their father starts to rise.

“Yes?”

“The wedding?”

“Of course, I’ll do my best to be there, I promise,” he says. But a promise has never meant much. He hugs Bodhi loosely before he turns around, and leaves them again. Jyn watches him walk out, staring at the back she knows all too well.

\----

When she walks through the door at home, Cassian is chopping vegetables in the kitchen, his soft humming matching tune with the song playing through the apartment. His back is to her, and for the first time she sees it. She sees the way he’d look walking out of her life - like her father, like Saw. It’s there in the angles of his shoulders, the arc of his spine. He’s drawn to leave, each curve of muscle and line of bone made to take him away from her. And she has nothing to hold him to her side. Nothing but a paperless promise, and she knows how flimsy those are.

“What are you doing?” she asks him. Her voice is tired, and she’s tired, exasperated from the way she’s buried these emotions that are now rising to the surface.

“Making dinner,” he turns to smile at her before returning to his work. “Now I know this recipe was off for you last time so I tried to fix it. Come taste.”

“Stop,” she calls, eyes closed.

“Jyn, you have to trust me on this it’s going to be like a different dish. I threw out the avocados completely,” and then he turns and sees her face. “Jyn?”

“I need you to stop being nice to me,” she mutters, hands emphasizing every word.

“This feels like a trap,” he say, eyes wide and his lips quirked up. Like he’s ready to laugh when she inevitably says just kidding, everything’s fine.

“I need you to stop being so nice and caring and perfect unless you’re going to marry me.” The words come out desperate when she had been aiming for angry.

Cassian lets out the start of a laugh, just a single puff of air, before realizing that it’s a mistake. His brow furrows when he sees how serious she is. He sets the kitchen tools back on the counter, and moves toward her.

“Jyn, where is this coming from?”

“From a place that I didn’t even want to acknowledge. Because I didn’t think it mattered, I didn’t think I cared,” she sighs. “But it does, I do.”

“I don’t understand,” he shakes his head. “We’ve been happy for all these years, as we are. Why is it now so important that we have a piece of paper? I love you, I am committed to you, you know that. Why do you need more?”

“Because people leave Cassian!” the words are raw, ripped from a place deep inside her.

“I won’t!” he yells, exasperated. “I’m not your father, Jyn -”

“Oh please, that’s not -”

“I am not your father,” he repeats, emphatic, stepping towards her again. Their faces are inches from each other, and he leans closer as he speaks the words, leaving no space for them to get lost in between. “I’m not going anywhere. Why can’t you trust that?”

He searches her face, and their eyes meet, hers brimming with unhidden hurt and anger. He understands the fear, the pain. He knows what she lost, has felt that loss himself when his parents died. With a few steadying breaths, Jyn’s expression changes, her emotions more reigned in. She is calm now, too calm, and that scares him more than her yelling could.

“Trust goes both ways,” she tells him. “Why am I the one who has to compromise?” She keeps her eyes locked on him, this time it's her who is searching for something, something that he can’t or won’t give. He offers no response.

The silence drives into her, shaking the two holes in her chest, the ones left by the last men she had loved, the ones who had left her. She knows now she doesn’t have room for another one, not a Cassian-shaped one. She should have never risked it in the first place.

She sighs, and shakes her head.

“I can’t do this.”

For the first time in her life, Jyn is the one to walk away.


	2. Chapter 2

The silky fabric is cool and soft against Jyn’s skin, but she’s antsy, standing like a doll as she’s made to play dress up. She fidgets, sliding her right heel up her leg, and receives a light swat from Bodhi. 

“Stay still or I will prick you,” he mumbles as he pulls out a mouthful of pins. “I have to get these adjustments done today so Baze can finish the dress up.”   
“Baze made this?” Jyn asks Bodhi, incredulous, pulling on the red bridesmaid dress her brother had shoved into her arms the second she stepped through the door. “Our Baze?”

“Yeah, he got it done even faster than I thought. It’s impressive, really,” he says. 

“Our Baze sews? Since when?”

“Since forever Jyn,” Bodhi sighs. “Seriously, where have you been? Who do you think patched up all the holes you wore in your clothes as a kid? Mum?”   
“I guess I didn’t pay much attention to them,” Jyn responds, thinking back to the patches that seemed to find their way to the holes on the knees of her jeans on their own, the jumpers darned magically after being pulled apart. 

“That much was obvious,” Bodhi mutters. 

“Coming from the guy who lives in a jumpsuit,” she retorts, eyebrows raised and ready for battle. 

“Flight suit,” Bodhi corrects. 

“Oh, it’s the same thing - Ow!” she shouts, the pin in Bodhi’s hand having somehow found its way into her thigh.

“Accident,” he mutters, and she swats at his head. 

“There,” he announces. “Check the length. Make sure it’s good to go so we can have it ready on time.” 

“This is all kinds of fast Bodhi,” she says over her shoulder, checking his handiwork in the mirror. “What’s up?” 

“Luke’s from the southwest, if I try to make him marry me in an east coast winter I think he might actually fly away,” he says, his lips pulling up in a smile around his fiancee’s name. 

“Sure, sure, you knocked him up, didn’t you?”

“Very funny, Jyn.”

“Seriously what’s the rush to get married?”

“We’re in love, that’s what people do.” 

Bodhi makes it halfway through an eyeroll before he realizes what he said. He whips around eyes wide. 

“I mean, but not everyone gets married. Some people don’t. Some people are very happy doing, well not doing, not being… uh, married,” he stumbles. “What I mean, Jyn, is it’s fine that you’re not-”

“Bodhi, breathe.” she laughs lightly, trying to brush it off. “It is fine. I am fine.” 

“I know, you will be. Because you’re strong and amazing and I’m really proud of you for how fine you’ve been.” 

“Bodhi, seriously relax. I am fine. I can handle this,” Jyn says. “Come on, I’ve been through breakups before. You were there, you saw how well I handled them.”

“Except for a few broken noses.”

“Hey it was one broken nose and you know the situation called for it.” 

“True.” Bodhi joins in her laughter, before reaching out to grab her hand. “I just want you to be happy, sis. You deserve to be happy.”

“Aw Bodhi,” she smiles back, squeezing his hand. “Then you really should have rethought this dress.” 

“Don’t let Baze hear you say that.” 

\-----

Rays of sun beat down on his skin, as Cassian allows the motion of the waves to lull him into a light nap. He’s used to these languid days now, spending his time renovating the boat he is now apparently calling home. No, not home. Not even close. He has a home, one he found after so many years on his own. He aches for it now, but it’s not the full-sized bed and steady ground of the apartment. No, home is fierce green eyes smudged with eyeliner, a soft lullaby carried over the shower stream and mugs left abandoned on every flat surface. 

“Ah there’s our captain,” a voice calls out, interrupting the comforting image forming in his head. 

“Chirrut,” Cassian smiles, genuinely for the first time in weeks. “Welcome aboard!”

“You look awful,” his old friend remarks, eyebrows raised as he takes Cassian’s hand to climb onto the boat. . 

“How would you know?” Cassian asks half-heartedly. Chirrut always knows. 

“You live on your boat, it’s a safe guess,” the knowing smirk finds its usual spot on his friend’s face. 

“Well, I’m standing on principle. I always have,” Cassian sighs, like he’s starting to question it. 

“Yeah you’re an idiot like that.” 

Cassian shakes his head, letting the corner of his lips pull up once more. 

“Make yourself useful and help me set sail, ay?”

“Tell me what you need captain,” his friend smiles back at him. 

Silence settles comfortably between the two men as Cassian maneuvers around the boat, sailing them out into the open water. The deep blue of the ocean meets the cloudless expanse of the sky, blending together at the horizon. 

“So Baze sent you out here to check in on me huh?” Cassian asks, once they’re floating smoothly with the wind doing all the work. 

“Yes, he’s concerned. About both of you,” Chirrut responds, his face turned towards the open ocean, feeling rather than seeing the view. 

“And you?” Cassian prompts, waiting for the advice he assumes is coming. 

“Your paths are your own. All I can do is give you a bit of nudging now and then.”

“A bit?” Cassian balks, but Chirrut does not respond, focusing instead on the motion of the waves beneath them. Cassian hesitates before speaking again, his voice shakier than he thought it would be. “How is she?” 

“Busy, getting ready for Bodhi’s wedding,” Chirrut pauses, knowing that’s not the answer Cassian was looking for. “She’s strong, resilient, like you.”

“I just don’t get it,” Cassian shakes his head. “What was it for you and Baze? I mean you two are more connected than any couple I know, why did you feel the need to get married and make some announcement to the world?”

“It’s not about saying something to everyone else, it’s about saying something to each other. It’s about promising in every way - spiritually, emotionally, legally - that you will always be there for each other.”

“I think you can say that in other ways.”

“Of course you can. But does that lessen the meaning of this one?” 

Cassian doesn’t respond. Chirrut doesn’t expect him to. 

 

\-------

Jyn’s finger clench the crab leg on her plate as she focuses very, very hard on not taking her anger out on a helpless, already dead animal.

She fails. 

“She’s a bit more of a hazard. Breaks more necks than she turns, but I’d say overall worth the insurance costs,” her distant uncle Krennic continues with his speech, reminding the rehearsal dinner guests that though Bodhi may be off the market, she is still very much available. 

With an almost silent huff, she’s away from the table the second he’s done. She takes a deep breath, and tries to drown out all the voices around her. One makes its way through, murmured but insistent and oh so familiar. 

“Krennic is an ass,” her mother tells her, coming up behind Jyn to wrap an arm around her shoulder. “I honestly don’t know who invited him, or how he got ahold of the microphone.” 

“I know mama,” she smiles up at her, hoping she looks appropriately reassuring. “And yet somehow even he’s married.”

Her mother laughs lightly, but Jyn can see by the concern in her eyes that she recognizes her diversion for what it is. 

“You know, when you were ten you snuck out of day camp to go to Saw’s self-defense classes. I remember when I caught you, you looked at me with such ferocity and said ‘A girl’s got to know how to look out for her family,’” her mother smiles fondly, and Jyn sees a spark in her mother’s eye that she’s been told she has herself. 

“You never did things like anyone else, Jyn. That’s why you’re my favorite child,” Lyra winks. “But keep it between us.”

“Oh please, Mum, Bodhi and I know you tell us both that,” Jyn rolls her eyes, but it’s half-hearted.

“Because it’s true, you’re both my favorite children.” 

Lyra gives her daughter a soft smile that quickly turns serious. Her lithe hands reach out, tucking a piece of unruly hair behind Jyn’s ear. 

“Look, sweetheart, what happens between you and Cassian is up to you, and I know you don’t need me interfering, but I want to make sure you understand something,” her mother’s voice is stern, and Jyn has the distinct feeling she’s being lectured. Her mother waits until Jyn meets her gaze to continue. “Cassian is not your father.” Lyra takes a deep breath at the words, like they are difficult to form, putting her hands up to ward off an interruption. “He is not your father. He is not Saw. He is not necessarily going to leave like they did.” 

“Necessarily,” Jyn responds, latching onto the word. 

“Jyn -” her mother’s voice is pained, and her eyes show the same. 

“I know, mama, I do.” Jyn sighs, frustrated. She doesn’t know how to express the doubt, the fear that lies at the back of her mind, not even to her mother, who would probably understand it better than most. She has been left too. “I’ve made my choice. This is better.” 

Lyra’s eyebrows furrow at the words, but she bites her tongue before adding more. She’s said her piece, and knows Jyn must make her own choice. Jyn loops her arm through her mother’s as they turn to rejoin the dinner. As the night continues, Lyra finds her eyes drifting back to her daughter, wondering when her brave girl started playing it safe. 

\-----

“You ready for this?” Leia asks her, as the music cues up. 

“Of course,” Jyn smiles at her. “I’ve been walking for years now.” 

“Oh she’s a clever one,” Leia mutters, but she simply nods, accepting Jyn’s answer despite the deeper meaning implied with her question. Leia understands, perhaps better than most, when to push Jyn and when to accept her boundaries. 

“Well then, shall we?” she says, sticking her arm out to Jyn who takes it happily. Though she’s fond of him herself, Jyn knows they’re both relieved to be walking down together rather than with Luke’s friend Solo. For very different reasons of course. But like Leia, Jyn knows better than to push the subject. 

Red fabrics swoop together against the green grass as they make the march down the aisle, before taking their places on opposite ends, ready to stand beside their brothers the way they always have. 

And Jyn is more than ready for it, standing there watching her Bodhi’s face beam with joy. He laughs over his vows, too incredibly happy, and she laughs with him. 

A day of miracles, apparently, her father is actually there. She spots him as she walks down the aisle, sitting in the row behind family, beaming up at her and Bodhi in turn. He departs not long after the reception begins, but his presence is enough to make Bodhi happy, and more than Jyn ever expected. She catches him before he leaves, and gives him a hug goodbye. 

“I know I’ve let you both down in many ways, Stardust,” he tells her. “But I am glad I could be here today.”

His face is serious but still open and soft, and she remembers the look from her childhood. It’s the face he’d have when she woke from a bad dream, and he was there, reminding her that he would always protect her. 

“Me too Papa,” she tells him. Her anger is not gone completely, perhaps it never will be, but she’s beginning to accept that her father is who he is, and she cannot change that. She makes no excuses for him or his behavior, but she can make allowances for her own reactions, and temper her expectations. She can be happy when she sees him, she can smile back at him and she can love him in the same complicated way he loves her. 

The peace she feels after this farewell is quickly interrupted by the arrival of her tablemate, who slides into the chair right next to her. 

“You must be Jyn,” he tells her, extending a hand that feels as greasy as his hair looks. “I’m a friend of Luke’s father. I’ve actually been lobbying Bodhi to sit next to his single sister for weeks.” 

“Lucky me. And you must be…” she glances down at the card on the table, “... Jeremy Binks.” 

“Well yes that is my land name,” he starts, and Jyn’s eyes are already wide, scared to see where this will go. “I’m actually a merman, so I do have a sea name - Jar Jar.” 

A song of expletives float through her mind as she stares daggers into the back of Bodhi’s head as he mingles with his guests. 

“Well I bet I am going to hear a lot about this tonight,” she says, throwing back her drink in preparation. 

“Well let’s start from the beginning, the history dates back to 586 A.D.…” 

She’s rescued by Leia who, claiming a bridesmaid emergency, pulls her away from a still-rambling Binks. 

“Let’s dance,” Leia mumbles, weaving her and Jyn through the tables and out of the dining hall. 

“Woah, is the general actually going to enjoy herself on a night off?” Jyn teases, a defensive reflex, but bites her tongue when she sees Leia’s face. “What prompted this?”

“Nothing,” Leia responds, as she looks over her shoulder. Jyn turns to see Han looking after them, and knows her own comments probably weren’t far off from his. 

“Alright,” she gives in, as they approach the dance floor which has turned from classic slow dances to far more interesting music as the night has worn on. She could use a carefree moment with her friend. “Let’s dance.” 

They’re tugged into a circle by their brothers, and Jyn lets herself drown in the music and loved ones that surround her. Leia grins beside her as the two shake and twirl, being joined by more and more people, until Jyn thinks of nothing but the beat and the laughter that seems to match it. 

Worried murmurs drag her back into reality as the music comes to a stop. Instinct kicks in, and she knows something is wrong, She maneuvers through the crowd to the source of concern, and finds her mother sinking to the ground, face pale as one hand clutches the opposite arm. 

“Mama!” Jyn shouts, rushing to mother’s side. “Mama, what is it? What’s wrong?”

Bodhi joins her, his words of concern mixing with her own. Their mother watches them, eyes wide, as her children try to hold her to them, try to make her stay.

\-----

 

The deep red fabric of her dress wrinkles against sterile grey as Jyn collapses back into the seat after another round of pacing. Beside her in the hospital waiting room, Luke’s hands clasp both of Bodhi’s. She stares at their intertwined hands as she sinks further down the back of the seat somehow feeling tiny in the too-small plastic chair.

In her lap, her hands clasp together, having no one else’s to hold.


	3. Chapter 3

The sun cascades into the room, turning Jyn’s vision pink beneath her closed eyelids. She opens them to see her mother awake on the bed beside her - her own bed, not a hospital’s, but somehow the woman looks as sick as she did a few days ago, though Jyn knows that must be an illusion from the size of the bed and her own desperate worry. Lyra’s doing better, recovering from the heart attack that had pulled her to the floor of a ballroom a few days ago. 

“Morning mum,” she murmurs, reaching for her hand. “You should have woken me.”

“You need the rest, Jyn,” her mother tells her, squeezing the hand she holds. “I’m doing just fine, and it won’t do any good for you to work yourself ill.”   
Jyn just smiles and places a kiss on her mother’s forehead. 

“What can I get you for breakfast?”

“Well your brother already brought something that he called breakfast, but I’d take some real food, something beside this cardboard,” she motions to the tray on the bedside table. “Maybe some bacon?”

“Yeah not exactly recommended for people with recovering arteries like yours,” Jyn gives her mother a look. “But I’ll get this tray out of your way.” 

“Fine, fine, there goes your chance to be my official favorite,” Lyra calls after her, and the laugh that leaves Jyn’s lips would be genuine under any other circumstances. But not now, with her mother like this, and too many things on her mind. She gives herself to the top of the stairs to fret, before launching her mind into everything that needs attention. 

“Alright Bodhi, we seriously need to get to the store today. Mum’s meds are ready to be picked up, and we’re down to toast and ramen for food. And hospital called, apparently there’s some error with mum’s bill, thank you bloody American healthcare system. And we really need to get some laundry done in this place...” 

She calls out everything that comes to her head, knowing Bodhi doesn’t need the reminder. He’s been by her side for everything, the two of them sharing the load, hoping it wouldn’t break them. The list keeps her distracted from thinking about how small her mother looked stuck in bed, definitely healing but still so pale. Her mama is strong, Jyn knows, even if she doesn’t look it. But that doesn’t make seeing her like this any easier. They had come too close to losing her.   
She rounds the door into the kitchen, stuck deep in the thoughts she was trying to avoid, when she sees him. 

His back is to her, and she realizes how wrong she was the last time she saw it. She sees it truly now - the curve of his forearms, the stretch of his back. Every inch of skin and flex of muscle engineered to stay, to come back. Now she sees his promise in it, not her past. 

Cassian’s sleeves are rolled up, his arms elbow deep in soap suds and a stack of clean dishes on the counter beside him. A light beard dots the sharp edges of his jaw, and his eyes have a slight darkness under them, but they crinkle the way they always do when he turns to look at her. 

He looks like a man who dropped everything to get to her. He looks as beautiful as anyone Jyn has ever known. 

A small smiles reaches his lips, timid like when they first started falling all those years ago. He stares at her a moment before his mouth can form breathless words. 

“I’ve just got a few more of these dishes to finish up. There’s a load of laundry in the washer, and then two more after that,” he turns to point at the paper bags on the counter. “I tried to buy mostly healthy food, but I did get a few things that your mom likes too.”   
Her lips press together as her chin shakes. All the emotions she had tried to push to the side, the fear and pain, come bubbling to the surface at the sight of him here. 

“Jyn,” he whispers, his face drawn tight in concern. “It’s going to be ok.” 

He takes a step toward her, and she closes the distance, throwing her arms around his neck and burying her face into his collar. He smells like home, a comfort she hadn’t realized was missing from the apartment until now. He pulls her tight to him, his arms encompassing her completely, and she melts into him. The emotions pour like a wave across her, engulfing her but she knows he won’t let her sink. She can finally immerse herself in them, allow herself to truly feel them, because now he is there to keep her head above the water. 

“It’s ok. She’s going to be ok,” he murmurs, over and over again until she can start to believe it. 

\-----

Beneath her feet the ground feels unsteady, but Jyn knows it has nothing to do with the dock that sways slightly with the ocean’s movement. Passing boat after boat, her steps regain their confidence when she finally sees him, his tousled hair and grey sweater making him look the part of a rugged sailor. 

“Jyn!” he calls to her with surprise as she approaches. He reaches his hand out to her, and she accepts it willing, relishing the warmth of his grasp as he helps her climb aboard. 

“You remember the ship?” he asks her, motioning awkwardly around him. 

“It looks a little different from the last time I saw it,” she laughs. “It’s, I guess, nicer?” 

“Yeah well I’ve had a lot of time to work on it,” he shrugs. 

“That’s kind of way I’m here. Can we talk?” she asks, gesturing to the seat beside them, and they sit down together. 

“I wanted to thank you for everything the other day - helping around the house and all that. I really needed you and you came through,” she speaks the words to the hands clasped in her lap, but moves her eyes back to his as she finishes. 

“Of course, I’m still the same person, Jyn. I will always be there for you,” he tells her, voice strong and gaze intense. 

“I know that… You reminded me of that,” she takes a deep breath before continuing. “I thought I needed more than that, but you already give me everything a husband ever would. That’s what I want. You’re what I want.” 

“Really?” he asks, breathless, and scared to hope, though he realizes he had never really stopped hoping for exactly this. She smiles up at him, bright and unreserved, and he feels that look melt all the tension in his body. 

“I am willing to take marriage off the table, with conditions,” she tells him, “You have to love me and commit to me —”

“I already do that,” he exclaims, leaning in to her. 

“I’m not finished,” she replies, and he nods, waiting, listening. She continues with a look, the corners of her lips pulling up. “You have to let me pile my clothes on the chair in the bedroom, you have to alway keep tea stocked and you can’t ever make that one dinner I hate ever again, no matter what changes you make to the recipe.” 

“Ok, ok” he agrees with a laugh. His hands lace through hers in her lap and he smiles down at the sight of them. “I can do all that.” 

“And, um... you have to get rid of this jacket,” she adds, tugging on the worn leather of the fabric that rests beside him. 

“We’re not getting married, but I have to get rid of my favorite jacket,” he questions, words slow and eyebrows raised. 

“You just won a big battle here, Cassian.”

“Ok, the jacket goes,” his smile falters as he stares at her, searching her face. “Can I come home now?”

“Yes, please,” she murmurs, the back of her hand caressing slowly across his cheek. “Come home.”

When their lips meet, he knows he already is. 

\-----

“How did this all fit in here?” Jyn sighs, exasperated as she stands in the middle of the boxes that seem to strew endlessly throughout what she had once thought was their large apartment. 

“I have no idea,” Cassian laughs, setting another box into the mix beside her. 

She takes a break from folding his newly-returned clothes to loop a finger inside the waistband of his pants, dragging him closer to her.   
“Hey sailor,” she grins up at him. “Welcome home.” 

“Good to be back,” he murmurs, head tilted down to her. 

His lips find hers, fitting perfectly together, like they had never been apart. She rises up on her toes to kiss him more firmly, her weight shifting against him. They get lost in the motion of their mouths, the feel of their lips against each other. They’re breathless when they finally pull apart, staying just centimeters from each other. 

“Ok,” Jyn says, stepping further away. “We have to get at least one box done before anything else.” 

“Pick a small one then,” Cassian grins at her. 

She turns back to the box of clothes, and her eyes widen at the piece of clothing she grabs. 

“Oh you are not trying to sneak this back in here!” she whips around, dangling the leather jacket out in front of her. 

“Come on, it’s a great jacket Jyn! It’s deceptively warm and it goes with anything,” he says, as he tries to snatch the jacket back from her hands. She’s too fast for him, heading to the donation pile that’s accumulated on the kitchen table. 

“Alright at least check the pockets before you get rid of it,” he calls out to her, a half-smile playing on his face. “I don’t want to lose anything I care about.”   
Jyn rolls her eyes at him, but digs through the pockets as requested. Her hands slips into the inside pocket, expecting it to be empty like the others, when she feels something soft and square. She pulls it out, and realizes she’s holding a small velvet ring box. With a shaky hand she tilts it open, and gasps when she actually finds a ring inside. 

She turns around to see Cassian, having crossed the room, smiling up at her from where he rests on one knee. 

“Jyn,” he starts, his voice shaky as he grins. “You are my family. You are my home. I want to make you happy...I need to make you happy for me to have even a chance at being happy.” 

All she can do is stare at him as a smile breaks across her face. Their eyes reflect the same emotions - teary but overwhelmingly happy. 

“Will you marry me?” 

“Of course I will” she answers with no hesitation.

With a breathless laugh, he rises up to meet her. His hands frame her face as he kisses her again and again, their lips broken apart by the smiles they can’t keep off their faces. 

The boxes are forgotten. 

 

\---

As soon as the weather warms, they’re married on the boat. “Might as well make some use out of all the renovations you did,” Jyn had said with a smile on her lips. And it’s an excuse to keep things small. Just family. 

Loved ones surround them as the sun shines down, and the say their vows with their hands clasped tight, the promises echoing across the waves and toward the horizon. 

The day fills Jyn with even more happiness than she had anticipated, and Cassian finds an unexpected joy in the way his mouth forms around the words “my wife.”


End file.
